atheoryof.me

Casey S. Schroeder

Tag: confidence

Ego

I have a large ego that I protect vehemently.  In reality, it is barely a bigger ego than I had when I was 7.  It does not grow and does not shrink.  It does take a beating, however, and need too much time to heal.  For this reason I protect it and do not properly develop and share. 

I am jealous with my time.  I am jealous with my energy.  I am jealous with my image.  I am jealous with my knowledge.

It is not such a vulgar ego.  It is a quiet ego.  It is a confidence.  For reasons of preconceptions and my own isolation, it may be mistaken for arrogance, but it is not haughty, even if I am oft too cranky and quick to criticize.

It is a possessive ego.  It is not so with others, but it is with itself.  It does not “waste” itself on others and it does not open itself to the criticism from the too-quick-to-judge-unknown, though it demands little of anyone else.

The age after youth should be time for sharing.  Your experience rich and talents still in their prime.  I envy those who just live who they are in every moment, without selective display.

I may understand from where this comes, but it does not stop the fear.  I press on to encounter the unknown.

A Definition of Success

In order to be deliberate in your decision making you must have conviction in how the world is and how you want it to be. You need time and intelligence to understand how the world is and to trust that understanding. You need both of these, as well as an understanding of yourself to understand how you want the world to change. Seeing this change happen is the definition of success for an individual. Understanding what success is for you is the first step towards realizing it.

When I ask how the world would change for me, I hesitate. I do not hesitate for change in my life. I can think of any number of things I would like to change for me. I would like more travel, more time to write, more time to research, more opportunities to give informed opinion to more people, more time with my son, more opportunities for intelligent companionship, more opportunities for sensitive companionship, more opportunities for intimacy, more time among natural beauty, more time drinking with old friends, more time drinking with festive strangers, more time to watch movies, more time to read books, more money to eat good food, more time to watch sports and talk politics with my Dad, more time to talk art and psychology with my Mom… But if I had to say how I would change the world, here I am more reluctant.

I am “live and let live”. I am not one to dictate the world to others unless I know and clearly that they are wrong. I do believe in the protection of the environment; I do believe in security; I do believe in approaching social policy sustainably; but I am passionate about protecting “live and let live”, the variety and diversity of human culture, and faith against the adversarial in spite of adversity.

I can live with moments foiled by adversity, but I can’t live well with moments foiled by adversaries, including moments foiled by adversaries under the cover of adversity or other people. In some sense, this is what Saving Social Faith is really about, saving people from the fear of unwarranted adversaries. For my part, I had always thought I would help with this task with writing and research. I am realizing that I must do more, but it is starting with this.

I will always honor those who save the environment, protect our safety, and think of our future with sustainable social policies; but for my part, I can only work to keep and promote the faith in those who save and protect. If you know of ways to promote a warranted confidence in our institutions, infrastructure, and security, I would like to hear.

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